Saturday, March 29, 2008


A few of my pet peeves, more to follow soon!

1. Using "anyways" instead of "anyway".

2. The phrase "My bad".
It sounds so terribly incomplete somehow, without a follow-up noun to the phrase.
I'm rather surprised to discover that Shakespeare used it too, apparently:

"our love and pity doth the impression fill
Which vulgar scandal stamp'd upon my brow;
For what care I who calls me well or ill,
So you o'er-green my bad, my good allow?"

3. Incorrect use of archaic English.

4. Incorrect use of French.(Or Spanish, or Italian, or Japanese, for that matter.)
I see this in a lot of shop/restaurant signs, blogs etc. I met a Frenchman
recently, and he said he was bemused to see boards blithely peppered with "la" and "le" and even " l' ", without thought for whether the noun following the pronoun was actually feminine, masculine or starting with a vowel.

5. People who've learnt British English (and spellings) throughout school suddenly switching
to American English. Yes, even those who're still in India.

6. SMS-speak. (shudder.)

7. People using "loose" when they mean "lose".

8. Corporate-speak . ("on the same page", "paradigm shift", "revert back")

9. Nouns turned into verbs. ("He lunched at noon.", "Loan me a fiver.")

10. Incorrect use of apostrophes. (It's, its, its')

Thursday, March 06, 2008

All in a dahl's work..

And then we got this Roald Dahl fixation, what a lovely name to pun about with!!
A sample from those mad days:

--Roald dahl's uncle once threw him into the river. And said, mama ka maal, dariya mein dahl. And when he came out covered out in black mud, his uncle said, dahl mein kuch kala hai!

--Did he throw him into the dahl lake by any chance?

--And what did his mom call him?

--Weren't his kids called that? The little dahlings!
--Them too! And his aunt was Aunt Dahlia!

--If Roald was a Spanish tennis player, would he be called Nadahl?

--I love dilly dahllying in office too! Dahl tried to call his aunt once, but the line was busy, so he
redahled and redahled, finally panicked and sent the dahlta force to look for her!

--And they dahlt him rather a blow when they couldn't find his aunt either. Finally he hired a sleuth who found that she was carrying on a dahliance with the maharaja of gopal in new dahli!

--Har de har! On learning this, Dahl was hopping mad. He gathered anatole and rushed to new dahli and found dahlia, and let out a yodahl of joy. The three caught the next flight to dahlas, but by then anatole had already picked up how to use dahlda in cooking!

--And what did they watch on the return flight?
For a few dahlers more!

--(Aside: Say, if Roald was your brother, you'd call him Dahl-da no?)

How dahlighted we were to have met each other!

knockturnal smses doing their back-and-forthing..

Stumbled upon a few surviving messages that preceded the Arthurford days, should probably put this up on the other blog, but I'm feeling much too lazy! Here they are, in no particular order:

Why didn't the biscuit crumble when I dropped it?
Coz it was one hell of a tough cookie!!

What would you get if you crossed a beet, a gangster and a horse?
Red Riding Hood!

When we were doing the Romans:
What would you call a musically inclined Roman actor?
Robert de Nero!
And yes, he used to play the fiddle!!

What would you call a Bollywood actor in Italy?
Roman Irani!

What would you call an Italian sailor?
A row-man!

What would you call an italian flea?
A Roman-tic!
If the Italian flea acted smart, his girlfriend would properly tick him off!

Prefect: Hahaha!! Awesome! Looks like our Roman saga isn't over yet!!
Dent: Of course it isn't over senorita! You know as well as I do that rome was not built in a day!

Doesn't petrificus totallus sound like a roman prefect?

Dent: In the old days, the romans used to grab their ladies... they lived by the
laws of Caeser!!
Prefect: They really carpe'd everything eh? They veni vidi vici'd the ladies hey?
Dent: Heh heh, forgive my choice of words, but they were more likely to have vidi vici veni'd them :-(.

Why is an elephant so wrinkled?
Just you try and iron one!

An elephant really needs to be ironed.. it's a problem.. Ivory and vory
about it!

Prefect: Well, it IS a gargantuan and difficult tusk, vell vorth vorrying about!
Dent: I, with thy graceful permission, add one adjective. It is also a mammoth tusk!

And then there were the Potter puns, the ones that didn't make it to the other blog:
What did the daily phophet say when bathilda bagshot got killed?
We're hag-rid!

Harry married the woman of his dreams. To him, she was genie weasley.
Nymphadora didn't want to be known by that name, hence at the end of the book,
she went Tinkerty Tonk!
You're on fire! You've got a bill-a-trix up your sleeve!

How did bill propose to fleur?
He just popped the usual ques- Veela marry me? :)

Why did dumbledore give the deluminator specifically to Ron Weasley?
Coz he knew he was the one who would ron away.

Rita Skeeter got her awesome anumagus abilities from her mom - she was a Ma Skeeter!
Mind you, a Ma Skeeter that bites, as opposed to the french one that goes "One for all and all
for one!" :)

Once ron and his wife were robbed. She lost all hermione!
Hehe that was really cute too! They were goblin all hermione, so sad for them na! In one fell stroke, all their silver came to Knut.

Bertie Bott a bit of butter.....
But it turned out to be a pumpkin pasty!

Would he be from Flourish and Botts?
Heh probably.. he bott it there, but in his flourri.. he picked up the wrong package!

Fred put George innto flour.
He was very flourish!

By George!! Percy put his older brother into cocoa, he made Charlie Brown.

Regulus put his brother down the chimney. He became sirius lee black :)
On second thoughts, after the chimney treatment, he could have even become the dark lord!!
And thus the riddle of how he changed his name to the dark lord is finally solved! :)

If Mrs Weasley was into metal, would she be called mollybdenum?

-Goodness! You deserve the O-scar for the best puns in foreign category :)
If you overdo it, you'll be oscar wild!
-There are more wild authors around than you can shake a speare at!
It be-wild-ers you, doesn't it?
-Indeed it does, gives me a lot of tenn(y)son!

You get the rowling trophy for best puns!
Ooh just for that, I give it right back to you! Wow lotsa prizes today - Rowling trophies and O-scars! We're on a rowl!!

I hate this mug world! We get mugged too :) We could fly at top speed, by just going 'broom!'
hehe indeed! And we quid ditch irregular buses and clicking conductors too, then!

Sigh! And if I ever go Accio broom in this muggle world, al I'd be likely to get is a tissue.
Yes, they'd either think you're mad, or you got a cold. Accio!!
Indeed.. that's what I meant! The sneeze :)) Speaking of which, Nadal's knees are very different from
Nadal's sneeze, no?

One of the blacks left the dark lord's services. He was irregulus :)
Grin grin! And he was condemned to recite irregular verbs in french for the rest of his life!

Did Charles Babbage ever manage to create a chip of the old block?
Fab! Only halfway perhaps.. so the whole thing was a major chip on his shoulder he carried for for the rest of his life.

How did the flintstones make ends meet?
The whole family chipped in!

--Ever seen some escalators and elevators in malls or airports?
We call 'em Schindler's Lift.
--Oh lovely!! Otis difficult to take rides in elevators in malls, they're so crowded. :(
--Hee, otis lovely! you lifter of spirits!! You're being o-tease, aren't you?
--Say, would a bartender be called a "lifter of spirits"?

--What would you call a plane that had a lot of passengers waking up after a looong journey?
--Umm, rip van winger maybe? :)
--No, a flight of stirs!